How can I make my thesis statement better? Right now it is "During the Industrial Revolution, the life expectancy was so low because of poor working conditions, living conditions, and family life. Only after these issues were addressed did society begin to change in a positive way." Any tips on how to improve it?

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History

Robert Best

4 September, 17:42

How can I make my thesis statement better? Right now it is "During the Industrial Revolution, the life expectancy was so low because of poor working conditions, living conditions, and family life. Only after these issues were addressed did society begin to change in a positive way." Any tips on how to improve it?

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Lorelai Obrien · Answer 1

Your thesis actually sounds pretty good right now. The only thing I would add is something about who's life expectancy you're talking about. Is it of factory workers? Is it family members? Adding that small clarification would improve your statement.