According to cupach and canary, what we actually say to each other may be described as

Distal outcome results of conflict that are not immediately apparent - personal growth, negotiation of family rules. Distal context Cupach & Canary - past successes/failures backgrounds and personalities of those in conflict. The model of interpersonal conflict - 5 processes/outcomes - distal context, proximal context, conflict interaction, proximal outcomes, distal outcomes are all Cupach & Canary's Explanatory model.